well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
