Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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