'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
