made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
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