thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I have tasted many bathrooms
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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