It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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