then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
