My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
