I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize