Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
