Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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