I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
