summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
