we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
