I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
