I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
