I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
