It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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