Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
do nipples grow back?
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