Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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