the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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