I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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