In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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