That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
