My cat gives me a boner
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
