I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
