What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
