The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
