Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
