I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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