i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
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About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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