It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
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We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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