Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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