Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
