I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
