So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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