i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
