took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
