I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
