alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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