No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
