She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
