I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
