never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
