listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i dont even know how to be here
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
