Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
