he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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