I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
