hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How does one acquire holy water?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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