I feel like abortions should bother me more
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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