It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
