worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize