How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
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She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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