I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
