i jhust puked up my retainher.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
