Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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