I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
