Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
