call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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