im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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