so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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