My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
