i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
