I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm drive I can fine osifer
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
