JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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