i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
