I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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