Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
