I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
