So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
