What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
